(beep) hi baby. i love you.... (message sent) i love you too baby.... (beep) can't wait to see you! (message) what time do we meet?...5 hours have passed and silence have engulfed the whole room. the whole anticipation to hear that sound again is excruciating. somehow the clock seemed to have taken its course slower than it should. five grueling hours... and still nothing. oh that feeling... the agony....
(message sent) hey what's up?
(message sent)are you ok?
(message sent) why aren't you replying
(message sent) what the heck are you doing??!!!!
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....!!!!
the other end might've run out of memory space, freaked out and wondering "what have just happened there?" all i can remember is, the last two hours i've been on a strictly no cell phone on meeting, and the next three stuck with the elderly people who couldn't wait to have their diapers changed...." what a life...
on the other end is a girl exhausted of all the waiting... not just the waiting, but the burden of convincing herself nothing fishy is happening on the other end of the line. just normal circumstances that deserve to happen without being questioned.
then is this what we call love on the digital age? the relationship between a guy and girl depend so much on messages they have and receive on their SIM cards, memory cards, emails, comments and forced adorations on myspace, friendster, facebook etc...etc...??? i know for a moment, i do think so... i've been a victim of this foolish situation. i was so wired and connected to all media you could think of to keep in touch with my loved one and take advantage of the ease to not only keep in touch with him but to keep track of everything he does even without his consent and knowledge. this is not what love is suppose to be. i knew that from the very start. but the access to everything is almost under your nose. ready to be discovered in just a few clicks. convenient, yes it is!!! and that's what's tempting to us to delve into someone's life, all the more the life of the one closest to your heart. sometimes our gadgets at hand become some sort of metric system of our relationships. if you get more calls and texts messages, one could equate it to being loved so much rather than getting to enjoy a bunch of flowers from that special someone once in a while with longer lasting effect. if at 12 noon your loved one religiously sends an i love you message to your phone and all of a suddent failed to do so but made it up to you by giving you a call at 3pm, one could still judge the person not so loving.... or your loved one get to call a random person at 11:56 and hung up the phone on you at 11:55 coz he said he's taking a rest... one could've done worst by judging the person a cheater. and the likes are happening a lot... one misjudgment after another....
this is tiring!!! this is not the kind of love our grandma and grandpa shared when they we're younger. our dad and mom shared moments of happiness even when their miles apart and their only means of communication is a snail mail or a 5 kilometer run to another town. but they shared love without computers, cell phones and all that jazz. and trust was not compromised even if they don't have hidden web cams to spy on them when they're out socializing at church. they got none of these before and they trusted each other. they loved each other without all the conveniences in life. they created a bond between each other that's beyond our imagination without the help of our modern gadgets. and... they still trusted each other.
our generation is indeed lucky to have all these conveniences at our fingertips. it would've been a different and difficult world to deal with without our cell phones and computers. but i realized that these are not gadgets to weigh the traffic of love between two people. they are for sure an easier way to express words, but love shouldn't be weighed as to how much our special someone remembers us through text messages or emails. it shouldn't be scaled depending on who got your loved one's first text message of the day...or who got his first call. life should be lived as it is, and shouldn't be stopped all the time because we need a moment to tinker with our phones or computers.
i realized, i should stop and smell the flowers. enjoy what the day has to offer and feel deep inside my heart that i am loved... even if another (beep) i love you baby... doesn't come.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Sunday, November 16, 2008
5 bucks is not bad
if you're getting paid for ten minutes of work. :)
i forgot how i ended up getting this weird part time job but here's what's left on my memory. hehe. i think i was really looking for part time writing job and landed on craigslist. i know not a lot of people would swear by this site but i know some people who checked this site and got the best deals in their lives i even remember that guy who became famous for a week (just my estimate :) ) for actually getting a house just by trading off that started with a red paper clip. ok back to my real story. so i saw this ad and was hesitant at first. but i thought, it's not a difficult job to do especially that i won't have to leave the house to do it. i just have to copywrite/rewrite/revise/research and come up with an article/news release to be used by law firms' websites. what i meant with easy was, i have the internet in front of me to do the research. and everything has already been said before i even write about the topics given to me. so all i hve to do is revise and make sure i stick with the facts i get online and just mesh them altogether to create a brand new article, sort of. all the assignments would be about drug recalls and press releases to inform the public that a specific drug has been recalled.
it's not the most challenging writing stint i ever had to deal with. but getting paid for every 10 minutes I spent doing this is not bad at all. i won't be spending it on a venti coffee but sure will work as gas money.
so keep it coming on my inbox robert.
i forgot how i ended up getting this weird part time job but here's what's left on my memory. hehe. i think i was really looking for part time writing job and landed on craigslist. i know not a lot of people would swear by this site but i know some people who checked this site and got the best deals in their lives i even remember that guy who became famous for a week (just my estimate :) ) for actually getting a house just by trading off that started with a red paper clip. ok back to my real story. so i saw this ad and was hesitant at first. but i thought, it's not a difficult job to do especially that i won't have to leave the house to do it. i just have to copywrite/rewrite/revise/research and come up with an article/news release to be used by law firms' websites. what i meant with easy was, i have the internet in front of me to do the research. and everything has already been said before i even write about the topics given to me. so all i hve to do is revise and make sure i stick with the facts i get online and just mesh them altogether to create a brand new article, sort of. all the assignments would be about drug recalls and press releases to inform the public that a specific drug has been recalled.
it's not the most challenging writing stint i ever had to deal with. but getting paid for every 10 minutes I spent doing this is not bad at all. i won't be spending it on a venti coffee but sure will work as gas money.
so keep it coming on my inbox robert.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
am i even good enough...
people all have something they're good at. be it in art, academics, singing, dancing, just being darn pretty etc etc. when i ask myself the question "what am i good at?" i will always end up being lost thinking hard what i have done something over and over and judging them as perfectly executed. and finally, at the back of my mind, nada. though self destructing it may sound, that's the truth. i have lived a mediocre type of life, and that this has totally evolved around what i even do.
when i was a little, i thought i'll be a great newscaster. i would read newspapers out loud in front of the mirror and be proud of myself that i read english language better than everyone else in school, maybe even than my english teacher. but i never grew up proud and boastful. that's the irony of it. sometimes i look at the mirror and see a different side of me--the side that i picture will definitely be someone big someday. maybe a newscaster or a writer. but the side of me that is shy and timid, went overboard and i decided, facing people is not my thing but maybe being behind the stories written is what i'll be good at. so i graduated with a degree in journalism. ( pardon for my irregular grammar and punctuations, this is unedited). and i thought i did good being conferred third highest honors in the whole university. but, i never fulfilled the dream i dreamed of when i was a little. is that good enough?
really, what motived me to take the course was when i got the biggest award i achieved in writing--the day Foundation for Worldwide People Power Movement led by former president cory aquino's son awarded my essay for 3rd best in national level. Whoever reads this, i apologize for the raving.
But boasting is not the point of my thoughts. what i really am concerned about is the question i keep asking myself "am i good enough?." and all i can say is, i did good at some point but never better, never the best.. and at some point too, some important people in my life make me question myself more if i'm even good enough being who i am and on what i do because i feel they don't believe in me. i hope i'm wrong...i know that i can never please everybody and i know living in mediocrity has some serious consequences. truth is, i'm not dumb, but never loved discovery and history channel--i learned from my grandma about old life, church, about the bible, school, about all other stuff, and my parents about love and compassion; i can write but never slept with a thesaurus in my hand or saw my name even on the cheapest tabloid in manila; i can shoot the camera, but never landed even mug shot in a magazine, i can do what i love doing, but will forever have to say "sorry, it's the best i got.."
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Nakakatuwa kapag sobrang saya mo na dahil meron kang inspirasyon sa buhay. sabihin na natin kapag meron kang boyfriend o girlfriend. nandyan lagi ang kilig, ang ngiti na biglaan mo na lang nahahalata sa sarili o ng ibang tao. minsan mas masarap pa mag-imagine na kasama mo ang taong napakahalaga sayo kesa kumain kahit na paborito mo ang ulam na niluto ng nanay mo. lagi ka lang masaya. ganon. lagi mo gusto pagtugmain ang schedules para lang magkasama kayo kahit na sobrang hectic sa pag-aaral, sa work, sa church. sige pa rin sa pagtawag sa cell phone at pagtext kahit inuutusan na ng nanay o tatay o kahit pa nga habang nagddrive talagang walang makakapigil sa atensyon na gusto mong ibigay. in love eh.
pag dumadating na ang araw na nag-aaway na kayo dahil sa kung anu anong maliliit na dahilan, lalo lang kayo tumitibay pagkatapos. tama? kasi lalo mo na nakikilala yung taong mahal mo. kung gaano ba ang tolerance niya sa selos, kung gaano katagal bago siya mapikon sa pang aasar mo, o kung gaano sya katagal nakakapaghintay sa di mo pagtawag o pagtext bago siya una magalit sayo at magtext bakit di ka nagpaparamdam. minsan parang aso't pusa, di magkasundo sa kahit ano dahil parehong pinipilit ang gusto na ang bottom line ang gusto niyo lang talaga magkita lage o namimiss niyo lang ang isa't isa. bottom line--kahit nag aaway kayo, mas matindi pa din pagmamahal niyo sa isa't isa. kasi nga in love...
pero sa kagaya kong di na teenager may mas mahalagang ibig sabihin saken ang pagbboyfriend...haha... ibig sabihin nito ay seryoso na ko at gusto ko ng mag-asawa. (nonsense)
ahhh.. don't pay attention to this crap.hehe
pag dumadating na ang araw na nag-aaway na kayo dahil sa kung anu anong maliliit na dahilan, lalo lang kayo tumitibay pagkatapos. tama? kasi lalo mo na nakikilala yung taong mahal mo. kung gaano ba ang tolerance niya sa selos, kung gaano katagal bago siya mapikon sa pang aasar mo, o kung gaano sya katagal nakakapaghintay sa di mo pagtawag o pagtext bago siya una magalit sayo at magtext bakit di ka nagpaparamdam. minsan parang aso't pusa, di magkasundo sa kahit ano dahil parehong pinipilit ang gusto na ang bottom line ang gusto niyo lang talaga magkita lage o namimiss niyo lang ang isa't isa. bottom line--kahit nag aaway kayo, mas matindi pa din pagmamahal niyo sa isa't isa. kasi nga in love...
pero sa kagaya kong di na teenager may mas mahalagang ibig sabihin saken ang pagbboyfriend...haha... ibig sabihin nito ay seryoso na ko at gusto ko ng mag-asawa. (nonsense)
ahhh.. don't pay attention to this crap.hehe
Thursday, October 18, 2007
my 25th yr marks a revolution...
25 years ago i was devoid in this crazy place and sometimes superficial world...and 25 years later, i have come to realize how much life has evolved for me. it has not been a simple ball game that's for sure. i have morphed from a wallflower into an introvert and then into a free spirited punk who loves alternative and rock but doesn't know how to jump in the mosh pit. hehehe. seriously, i love who i am right now. it was a revolution of myself--in a good way. maybe because through the orbit, i have been lucky enough to live with beautiful people around me--my family, friends, even strangers who contribute a little somethin somethin of a life lesson. it's been said, once your brain has been stretched with ideas, it will never retain its original dimensions. well, no wonder everyday my head looks bigger and bigger. haha. but then again, what am i right now if not for the people around me? nothing... i might have been back to devoidness--living without purpose, struggling without a goal, persevering without inspiration, jumping into the bandwagon of people living laid back but have no direction.
i am ecstatic. 25 years of of persistence was not a joke though. you know that type of persistence that the most important thing you want to preserve is your sanity? and why not? like i've said, this world has gone berserk. it will turn you upside down until you wanna throw up. luckily, the ride will have to stop at one point and all you have to do is regain your strength again and share the experience with important people in your life. that's how life becomes more sensible.
my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual anarchy have reached new heights. they have finally collaborated like a song that at last found the final note that will make it a masterpiece...
revolution at 25-- i take pride.
--mariposa
i am ecstatic. 25 years of of persistence was not a joke though. you know that type of persistence that the most important thing you want to preserve is your sanity? and why not? like i've said, this world has gone berserk. it will turn you upside down until you wanna throw up. luckily, the ride will have to stop at one point and all you have to do is regain your strength again and share the experience with important people in your life. that's how life becomes more sensible.
my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual anarchy have reached new heights. they have finally collaborated like a song that at last found the final note that will make it a masterpiece...
revolution at 25-- i take pride.
--mariposa
Friday, February 23, 2007
my blog's collecting dust so i wanna say...
just when i thought all hell broke loose... you came by and told me. hey "everything's gonna be a ok." and you know what? you're right. just when i thought the chaos in my life has taken over everything... the total opposite of a bareface liar knocked on my door.. you told me "so he's a bad egg" get over it... you got me. it's better than a stick in the eye."
and i believe yo're no "better than a stick in the eye." you're someone. you're big. in my eyes you're special. you taught me to dream big but not build castles in the air or chase the rainbow. all of a sudden there was dead air... and i smiled realizing how great life really is. with you on it is like seeing the glass of water not half empty but half full. i started counting things that make my life worth living and not counting the problems that almost ruined it.
though i wrote a dear john letter to someone--hurting his feelings. at first it was a dog it dog world dude. it was hard for me to finally draw the line between you and him. until my hand just started writing the letter and ending that chapter with him.
I'm happy right now... like i see it flying in the wall. every moment, everyday...it's all happening right in front of me. don't expect me to tell you "go fry an egg." i would love to see you here beside me everyday... making me laugh and making me feel that im a superstar. and even if i don't treat you like you're a superhero. you know i'll be the one to help you remember that you're better than the man of steel when you feel like you're a nobody.
ok tsong let's go hit the road...and enjoy the air at the park. hehe...
and i believe yo're no "better than a stick in the eye." you're someone. you're big. in my eyes you're special. you taught me to dream big but not build castles in the air or chase the rainbow. all of a sudden there was dead air... and i smiled realizing how great life really is. with you on it is like seeing the glass of water not half empty but half full. i started counting things that make my life worth living and not counting the problems that almost ruined it.
though i wrote a dear john letter to someone--hurting his feelings. at first it was a dog it dog world dude. it was hard for me to finally draw the line between you and him. until my hand just started writing the letter and ending that chapter with him.
I'm happy right now... like i see it flying in the wall. every moment, everyday...it's all happening right in front of me. don't expect me to tell you "go fry an egg." i would love to see you here beside me everyday... making me laugh and making me feel that im a superstar. and even if i don't treat you like you're a superhero. you know i'll be the one to help you remember that you're better than the man of steel when you feel like you're a nobody.
ok tsong let's go hit the road...and enjoy the air at the park. hehe...
part two short iskit
sa likod ng mga tagpong ito... sino ang makapagsasabing may pag ibig? hindi kailangang makita ng lahat ang (hahaha), ang exclamation point, ang "=)" at ang hahahhahhaha... umasa kang di nagtatapos dyan ang istorya nila. ang lahat ay may masayang kwentong natatago sa mga maikling tagpong ito. di mo na kailangang malaman pa...
simula ng magandang umaga
melai: tsong long day ka naman sa work no?
tsong: oo wag mo ng ikuskos sa mukha ko...
melai: tsong maganda ba ko?
tsong: sige payag...
tsong: ang talanding tiyahin ko ay gusto makasagap ng kamelaian...
melai: ano bang chika?
tsong: siguradong pag uusapan namin si melai (ikaw) nina melai (tita ining) at ni melai (inay!)
melai: teka, lam mo ba yung mga siamese twins?
tsong: o ano naman...
melai: kawawa sila no
tsong: oo nga eh.
melai: swerte naten.
tsong: isipin mo na lang kung ang ibang parte ng katawan naten ay dalawa at ang dapat na dalawa ay isa lang...
melai: tsong may pulis na naman o.
tsong: best friend tayo.
melai: yun pa sa kabila...
tsong: tsong may ilaw sa likod naten...
melai...(tahimik)
tsong: apir
tsong: may box o
melai: yan na yata ang phone mo...buksan ko
melai: ito nga.. sayo yan
tsong: thank you
melai: ingatan mo yan
tsong: sympre...
melai: twag text tsong. unlimited na
so ford explorer..
melai: dami naman susi nyan?
tsong: eh muntik ng maparami tsong.
MELAI: EH TSONG, EH DI NAKAPUNTA KA NA NG MANILA????
TSONG: AY HINDE!!! KAYA NUNG PUMUNTA KAMI DITO SA TATE, NAGBARKO KAMI SA BATANGAS, TAPOS NASIRA BARKO NAGSAGWAN NA LANG AKO....
MELAI: GANON BA?
TSONG: OO.
tsong: eh pero alam mo sa totoong buhay lang, masarap mahalin yung babaeng lagi ko kasama.
melai: tumpak.
melai: anong ginaganon mo?
tsong: eh wala naman... nasabi ko lang.
melai: ini-small talk mo na naman ako.
tsong: parang ganon (sabay ngiti)
bago mag-uwian sa trabaho
tsong: o, umuwi ka na. makauwi na rin...papakain pa ko ng baboy. wag mo limutin isilong ang mga baka ha.
melai: oo nga sabe.
habang nanonood ng "the eye" si tsong...
tsong: tiboks scared, si daddy ay naghahanap ng "melon", ang bayaw ko ay sumasakit daw ang katawan. kanya kanyang eksena.
melai: hindi ako magtetext at tawag sabe mo mapapatalon sila pag may umingay.
tsong: tama.
sa labas ng starbucks
melai: namiss kita.
tsong: hinde. namiss kita...
melai: hinde tsong mas namiss kita..
tsong.. SHHH.. (at may paghawak pa sa labi ko)
sa labas ng walmart
melai: di mo ko iiwan? sa hirap at ginhawa? o sa ginhawa lang.?
tsong: di kita iiwan. sa lungkot at ligaya hirap at ginhawa.... (at biglang napakanta)
"kami'y kasama mo...(tumigil)
melai: akala mo ba dudugtungan ko kinakanta mo?
tsong: hinde naman.
melai: tsong meron na ko pangalan ibibigay sa manika ni tibok
tsong: ano naman?
melai: maganda ang pangalang KADYO...
tsong: oo tigas.
melai: pwede din PEKTO.
tsong: wag na yun
habang nagpa-file ng income tax...
tsong: ang tagal naman
melai: oo nga eh. sakit likod ko
(di namalayang siya'y hinihilot na..)
melai ulet: sige ganyan lang ng ganyan...
tsong: haay..makalaglag petals ka talaga...
melai: whatever that means. pero masarap pakinggan
tsong: oo nga. nakakakiliti.
mister: lam mo umuwi ka na misis. at kapag walang nakatingin akyatin mo na ang wall clock at i-adjust na ang oras sa alas singko.
misis: yoko nga no.
mister: eh gawain ko yan. kaya balingag na yung relo dito.
misis: hala ano yung balingag?
mister: eh di, destrongkado na! laglagan na ang petals!!!
out of the blue...
mahal: k!!!
melai: k....
melai:O SIGE ingat
tsong: ikaw din.
simula ng magandang umaga
melai: tsong long day ka naman sa work no?
tsong: oo wag mo ng ikuskos sa mukha ko...
melai: tsong maganda ba ko?
tsong: sige payag...
tsong: ang talanding tiyahin ko ay gusto makasagap ng kamelaian...
melai: ano bang chika?
tsong: siguradong pag uusapan namin si melai (ikaw) nina melai (tita ining) at ni melai (inay!)
melai: teka, lam mo ba yung mga siamese twins?
tsong: o ano naman...
melai: kawawa sila no
tsong: oo nga eh.
melai: swerte naten.
tsong: isipin mo na lang kung ang ibang parte ng katawan naten ay dalawa at ang dapat na dalawa ay isa lang...
melai: tsong may pulis na naman o.
tsong: best friend tayo.
melai: yun pa sa kabila...
tsong: tsong may ilaw sa likod naten...
melai...(tahimik)
tsong: apir
tsong: may box o
melai: yan na yata ang phone mo...buksan ko
melai: ito nga.. sayo yan
tsong: thank you
melai: ingatan mo yan
tsong: sympre...
melai: twag text tsong. unlimited na
so ford explorer..
melai: dami naman susi nyan?
tsong: eh muntik ng maparami tsong.
MELAI: EH TSONG, EH DI NAKAPUNTA KA NA NG MANILA????
TSONG: AY HINDE!!! KAYA NUNG PUMUNTA KAMI DITO SA TATE, NAGBARKO KAMI SA BATANGAS, TAPOS NASIRA BARKO NAGSAGWAN NA LANG AKO....
MELAI: GANON BA?
TSONG: OO.
tsong: eh pero alam mo sa totoong buhay lang, masarap mahalin yung babaeng lagi ko kasama.
melai: tumpak.
melai: anong ginaganon mo?
tsong: eh wala naman... nasabi ko lang.
melai: ini-small talk mo na naman ako.
tsong: parang ganon (sabay ngiti)
bago mag-uwian sa trabaho
tsong: o, umuwi ka na. makauwi na rin...papakain pa ko ng baboy. wag mo limutin isilong ang mga baka ha.
melai: oo nga sabe.
habang nanonood ng "the eye" si tsong...
tsong: tiboks scared, si daddy ay naghahanap ng "melon", ang bayaw ko ay sumasakit daw ang katawan. kanya kanyang eksena.
melai: hindi ako magtetext at tawag sabe mo mapapatalon sila pag may umingay.
tsong: tama.
sa labas ng starbucks
melai: namiss kita.
tsong: hinde. namiss kita...
melai: hinde tsong mas namiss kita..
tsong.. SHHH.. (at may paghawak pa sa labi ko)
sa labas ng walmart
melai: di mo ko iiwan? sa hirap at ginhawa? o sa ginhawa lang.?
tsong: di kita iiwan. sa lungkot at ligaya hirap at ginhawa.... (at biglang napakanta)
"kami'y kasama mo...(tumigil)
melai: akala mo ba dudugtungan ko kinakanta mo?
tsong: hinde naman.
melai: tsong meron na ko pangalan ibibigay sa manika ni tibok
tsong: ano naman?
melai: maganda ang pangalang KADYO...
tsong: oo tigas.
melai: pwede din PEKTO.
tsong: wag na yun
habang nagpa-file ng income tax...
tsong: ang tagal naman
melai: oo nga eh. sakit likod ko
(di namalayang siya'y hinihilot na..)
melai ulet: sige ganyan lang ng ganyan...
tsong: haay..makalaglag petals ka talaga...
melai: whatever that means. pero masarap pakinggan
tsong: oo nga. nakakakiliti.
mister: lam mo umuwi ka na misis. at kapag walang nakatingin akyatin mo na ang wall clock at i-adjust na ang oras sa alas singko.
misis: yoko nga no.
mister: eh gawain ko yan. kaya balingag na yung relo dito.
misis: hala ano yung balingag?
mister: eh di, destrongkado na! laglagan na ang petals!!!
out of the blue...
mahal: k!!!
melai: k....
melai:O SIGE ingat
tsong: ikaw din.
my attempt to be a haiku expert
why are you smiling
you're the one who looks funny
stop stop stop stop stop...=)
you're the one who looks funny
stop stop stop stop stop...=)
short iskit...
seth-- bilang tsong
melai--bilang melai
unang tagpo:
tsong: uy, pinsan kayo nina ara at janice?
melai: oo.
ilang buwan ang nakalipas...
tsong: happy new year!
melai: happy new year sayo...
makalipas pa ang ilang araw...
tsong: punta tayo sa park
melai: sige.
and they lived happily ever after... =)
melai--bilang melai
unang tagpo:
tsong: uy, pinsan kayo nina ara at janice?
melai: oo.
ilang buwan ang nakalipas...
tsong: happy new year!
melai: happy new year sayo...
makalipas pa ang ilang araw...
tsong: punta tayo sa park
melai: sige.
and they lived happily ever after... =)
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