rollercoaster vs.bungee

Am I being cursed or what? When I was six yrs old, I remember praying to Him about those sins I keep on committing and then tell Him."please help me stop" and after years.. one day..I prayed again and told Him about those sins I keep on committing and said "please help me stop." And on and on and on. I kept on praying, but I also kept on telling the same thing. "please help me stop" I've been through a lot in this roller coaster ride that scares me to death. And everytime I'm in those loop part. I scream. Aloud. Im 22 years old and forever praying and asking " why aren't you answering me. Why do I have to pass all these big loops that I can't handle and so always end up throwing up at one corner.Exhausted and dizzy. I wanted to have that kind of roller coaster that just goes straight. Yeah,weird. i should've just said I wanted to ride on a speed train like that one in Japan. But no. I still want to call my ride a roller coaster. Only, it goes straight but fast. Thrill is still there. I still have to scream but I'm not gonna throw up anymore and get those teary eyes. I don't want any of those. and so, I'm still praying "why can't my life be something totally happy..not sort of, kinda, somewhat happy. I've sinned big time because I'm weak. I thought--how could I be strong, when I feel like nobody's holding onto me. Ok enough of roller coaster, I might just get into the bunjee and fall free.